The steamy 50 Shades of Grey trilogy by British author E.L. James has taken the world by storm. Starting as a sexy “Twilight” fan-fiction series called “Master of the Universe”, the 50 Shades books have sold over 40 million copies worldwide — surpassing J.K. Rowlings’ Harry Potter Series as the fastest selling paperback novel of all time. Now it appears the story that many have deemed “mommy porn” will hit the big screen. As writers and directors rally fans and supporters to lobby for their part in what is sure to be the hottest film of the year, the real question everyone’s asking is, “Who the hell’s going to play Christian and Anastasia?”

The answer to that question, it appears, will be up to James (who will retain some creative control of the production), Universal Pictures and Focus Features — who have scored the rights to the film. Them and Oscar-nominated “Social Network” producers Dana Brunetti and Mike de Luca were handpicked by James to back the project.

As the industry experiences an unexpected boom, both in retail stores and online, house Moms all over the world have been picking up new sex toys to spice things up in the bedroom. The erotic novels have caused an uptick in sales for butt plugs, whips, handcuffs and other bedroom enhancers inspired by the novels. 50 Shades of Grey is even coming out with its own line of erotic toys to be released in the near future. So the question remains, who would you like to see experiment with these toys on screen?

Who is chosen and who should be chosen are two completely different questions. On the one hand, the film will face an uphill battle to convince movie-goers that it’s something more than just your run-of-the-mill late night Skinemax-style soft core porn. With that in mind, the producers might go the route of major Hollywood heartthrobs like Mark Wahlberg, James Franco or Leonardo DiCaprio for Christian Grey and someone like Emma Stone, Anne Hathaway or Mila Kunis for Anastasia Steele.

On the other hand, given the popular success of the novels, they might go with relative unknowns, youngsters or newcomers who will preserve Anastasia’s sense of innocence and take the on-page characters to a new level and make them something larger than a big-name celebrity who accepts the role. Perhaps someone like the gorgeous and demure “America’s Next Top Model” and “Crazy, Stupid Love” star Analeigh Tipton for Ana Steele and someone like Kellan Lutz or Alex Pettyfer for Christian Grey.

Either way, despite the importance and pressure of choosing the perfect actors, this is one sultry story that’s sure to be a casting director’s wet dream. Virgin college grad interviews billionaire entrepreneur and is thrust into a world of lavish gifts, sex, bondage, dominance and submission. What’s more, there’s still the role of Elliot, Christian Grey’s equally sexy blonde brother.

How important is it that the movie remain true to the books? Well, with author E.L. James on keeping a hand on the project, it’s likely they will try to keep it as close to the original source as possible. Though I for one wouldn’t complain if they made some tweaks to the script to pack a bigger punch on screen. Tons of bloggers and 50 Shades fans proposed that real-life brothers Liam and Chris Hemsworth would make a hot duo to play Christian and Elliot — but the problem is, in the books the two characters are described as looking nothing alike. In the book they’re adopted.

Here’s what we know now: Despite all the fans who think he would make a sexy Christian Grey, True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgard has said he is not interested in the role. According to a tweet by “American Psycho” writer Bret Easton Ellis, he got “inside information” that porn star James Deen is in the running to play Grey.

Will they cast someone with an innocent aura to preserve the believability of Ana’s lack of sexual experience? That would certainly rule out dozens of otherwise satisfying contenders. For one, cutie Nina Dubrov of “The Vampire Diaries”. There’s a long list of T.V. favorites including Gilmore Girls sweetheart Alexis Bledel, Allexandra Daddario of “White Collar” (and Matt Bomer, also a “White Collar” star is reportedly a contender for Grey), the stunning Emilia Clarke of HBO’s “Game of Thrones”, Lucy Hale from Pretty Little Liars and Felicity Jones of “The Worst Witch”.

Shia LaBeouf is reportedly being considered for the role — which could give a serious bump to the career of the star of the 2013 film “The Nymphomaniac” opposite Nicole Kidman. Given recent circumstances, it’s very unlikely that Twilight co-stars Kristin Stewart and Rob Pattinson

The most common rumor is that Ryan Gosling is under serious consideration for the role of Christian Grey, though he has neither confirmed nor denied his interest or ties to the role. And Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame had previously stated that if Gossling was to play Grey, she is in to play Ana Steele.

What are your thoughts? Would Ryan and Emma be a match made in BDSM heaven — or would you like to see another pair?

The post 50 Shades of Grey Movie Cast: Who Will Play Christian and Anastasia? appeared first on Vibrator.net.

This time of year we usually reflect on the previous year and find the bright spots and the regrets. We are thankful for the bright spots and look to see what caused the regrets. Often, we find that the spark may be going out of our relationship. Life has it’s up and downs and it usually takes it toll on us and in turn on the ones we love. Whether it be a financial situation, the loss of a loved one, stress at work, etc.,  we tend to take it out on the one closest to us.

Take a step back, reevaluate and do something out of the ordinary to rekindle that spark. Think of something that would really turn your partner on.  Maybe he/she has been talking about trying something new. Maybe adding some sexual aids to your foreplay. Try it. It doesn’t have to be something like bondage. It could be something as simple as a flavored lubricant. Just the thought of trying something new could turn your partner on. But stay within your comfort zone. Don’t so anything that will make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes just changing the “routine” can do a world of good. Showing that you care enough to put the effort in can go a long way. And you might be surprised to find that by trying to please your partner you are pleasing yourself in the process. Have fun. Relax. Enjoy! It’s not just about the sex, it’s about the intimacy and the caring. Take the time to appreciate what you have and cherish it.

Make this holiday season not just about the hustle and bustle of shopping for the perfect gift. Make it about spending time with your partner and rediscovering each other. Try to remember what made you fall in love with him/her in the first place and go from there. Sometimes going back to the basics is the best bet. Remember what you love about him/her. What makes you smile when you think about being together?  Sometimes just putting some thought into a relationship is all it takes to spark it up.

After you’ve considered all of your options, act on it. Put on that sexy outfit. Or maybe just a bow. Surprise your lover with you for Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

The post Holiday Cheer appeared first on Vibrator.net.

Thing is, foreplay can last a whole day, when you and your partner are apart.  While it’s certainly not something to do every day, it’s something you can do when you feel like it.  That special text or email or letter left in a briefcase can really mean a lot to someone.

There are many ways to add foreplay into your day to make it something extra special.  Even if you don’t end up having sex, adding that intimacy into your day can release tension and create an excitement that our days don’t typically have any more.

Sexting

Something that’s really gained notoriety in the last couple years, being able to send your lover a naughty mid-day message has a lot of merit.  with cell phones you can send “I’m thinking of you” messages, along with naughty photos if you so choose.  This can remind not only your partner, but you yourself, of what you have waiting for you at home, and that you are still physically attracted to each other.

The little messages and such can also really keep a person sexually awake throughout the day.  The anticipation of what’s to come and crackling sexual energy that surrounds you all day can lead to an explosive evening for both you and your partner.

Examples can be: “I’m not wearing panties and I’m thinking of you.”  ”When you get home go straight to the bedroom, I have a surprise for you.”  ”I loved last night, let’s do that position again tonight.”  Or they can be even more raunchy and specific.

Surprises

Things like this are great for many things.  Starting a day’s worth of foreplay for an erotic evening, simply giving a gift or even suggesting trying a new sex act.  By leaving a surprise such as an instructional, adult dvd or a new sex toy on their pillow or even in their briefcase you’re telling them that you are still attracted to them, still want them and that you are invested in your relationship, wanting your sex life to be exciting and wanting to try new things.

Hidden Toys

More for when you’re together but in public, things such as remote control vibrators and butt plugs are sexy little secrets between you and your lover.  Especially if you’re using a remote control vibrator and give the remote to your partner, the knowledge that s/he is in control of the toy that’s inside you is incredible erotic.

For the person wearing the toy you have the sensations it’s giving you as foreplay and for your partner, they get to watch you, knowing that you’re receiving those sensations while you’re at the grocery store, a movie, a party or wherever you’re at.  For my boyfriend and I, one of our favorite memories was us walking in the mall, while my boyfriend would turn on the remote vibrating egg while I was trying to pay for something.  He enjoyed watching me attempt to hide the shock on my face and then watch me work through the sensations I was getting while trying to give nothing away.

~*~

What sorts of “long distance foreplay” do you enjoy?  Share and give us ideas!!

The post All Day Long Foreplay appeared first on Vibrator.net.

Afterglow Sex Toy Cleaning Wipes

Especially with how expensive sex toys can get, it’s important to take care of them.  With as much work as we put some of our toys through, and considering the sensitive places where we use those toys, we really need to work at keeping them in tip top shape.  As such, it’s important to take care of your toys; to keep them clean and store them properly between uses.

The first step in taking care of your sex toys is to keep them clean.  There are many varieties of antibacterial toy cleaners which you can use to clean any type of sex toy before and after use.  It’s important to clean toy before use, as well as after.  Before use, it’s important because the toys can collect lint, dust and other stuff that floats around in the air.  Even just rinsing the toy off first works, as we don’t want that lint and other stuff to get in our parts.  I like to use antibacterial toy wipes before I use my toys as the bathroom is very out of the way and many of many favorite toys are in my bedroom.

For cleaning after sex, it’s important to clean in all the crevices and dips you can find in toys, as fluids can get in there and then dry, which can lead to a lot of bacterial growth.  It’s important to use body safe soap as well as hot water.  For glass, pure silicone and other heat resistant toys without motors you can boil them.  5-10 minutes, depending on the size of the toy and how many you’re cleaning works just fine.  Also, a 10% bleach solution (so 1 part bleach to 10 parts water) works well also, so long as you ensure to rinse the toy completely.

It’s important to remember that unless your toy is completely non-porous, such as 100% silicone, metal or glass, your toy will never be wholly clean, as bodily fluids will get into the tiny pores and you won’t be able to clean them out.  As such, it’s always in your best interest to get totally non-porous sex toys.  Also, when it comes to toys used anally or shard, it’s imperative to get non-porous toys and then fully sterilize them before sharing or use again.  And never, ever take a sex toy from the anus to the vagina without fully sterilizing it first, or using condoms.

As for storing your toys, many toys cannot touch, or else there could be a reaction between the materials they’re made out of, which can ruin your toys.  The safest rule of thumb is to simply just store your toys so none of them touch.  Glass toys, wood or metal toys and ceramic toys are safe to touch each other and toys of the same material.  Plastics, jelly toys and silicone toys really shouldn’t touch each other or toys of the same material as a chemical reaction could occur which would damage the toys.

What I do is I keep each toy wrapped in cloth.  Sometimes I use the same piece of cloth, I just ensure that there is a couple folds of cloth between them.  Also, you can simply use the package that the toy came in, if it came in anything substantial.    Sometimes this is the best way to go, especially if the packaging is awesome and substantial, such as with Evolved toys.

Lastly for storage, it’s important to ensure your toys are safe.  Last thing you want is for them to get broken by accidentally being stepped on, or sliding off of a shelf.

So, the long and short of it is; take care of your sex toys. You spend your hard earned money on them, and you insert them into your bits and use them on your parts.  The better you take care of them, the longer they’ll last and the more you’ll be able to use them.

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CHANGE THE LOCATION

It may sound simple, but as my boyfriend and I learned last week, changing up the location of your sex can add a lot of spontaneity, as well as excitement and the feel of “something special.”   And it doesn’t have to be anything fancy either.  For us, we tried making love on our couch.  We discovered that the height and angles just weren’t right for our heights and body sizes, so we ended up with me laying on across the dining table!  Though it may be hard to hold your legs up, just put your feet up on the backs of chairs.

There are many other places you can explore for sex, such as on the stairs, on a chair, even on your patio/balcony if you have enough privacy.  By taking just a couple seconds to say “No, don’t go to the bed!  Let’s try the couch!” you could find a place that works excellent for sex.  And even if you don’t, it’s a fun memory that you now have with your lover.

CHANGE THE POSITION

Similar to changing the location, changing the positions you’re having sex in can really increase your pleasure and stave off too much repetition in your sex life.  The thing about changing positions is that it does not have to be fancy or complicated.  Especially for many women, simply moving one leg can really change the sensations received.

There are many simple ways to change up the most common sexual positions.  Sometimes it’s just one little change that’s needed to spice things up a bit, make it feel different/better and make it, quite simply, not the same.

- When in doggy style, simply changing whether or not her arms are bent or straight can make a huge difference.  Also, putting a pillow or two under her tummy can also help, so it’s not quite as much stress on her body which will help her be able to relax and focus on receiving pleasure, rather than keeping position.

- With her laying on her back, throwing one leg over another, so laying on her side but with her back flat on the bed can be very pleasurable as well; a subtle change that can spice things up a bit.  It feels like doggy style, just not as intense for her.

- In cowgirl position, if she flips around so she’s facing his feet, it’ll change it up a little bit, and also giver her the sensation of control just like dodgy style can give him.

USE ACCESSORIES

Sometimes it’s fun to add in a little something, a toy or accessory that can bring the sex from basic to exciting. Thing is, you don’t always need an expensive vibrator in order to do this.  Now don’t get me wrong!  Certainly there are things a dildo can do that other things cannot do.  However, sometimes it’s fun to add something in that doesn’t cost a lot of money or batteries.  Plus, it’s fun to try something that’s different and perhaps doesn’t require being inserted into a bodily orifice.

- Without getting sugar in a vagina, try licking chocolate syrup, whipped cream and other fun foods off of each other.  You can even eat regular foods off of each other!  Try putting raspberries on nipples, a strawberry sitting in a navel; you can even make a game out of it; set things on each other and have “prizes” or “punishments” if something falls off.

- Ice cubes can be incredibly stimulating as they’re drawn over nipples, labia, testicles and other body parts.

- Use scarves and neck ties to blindfold or even tie up your lover’s hands.  The lack of moment and/or vision will increase his/her other senses and make their skin much more sensitive.

- Costumes and sexy lingerie are also something that can really make sex time fun.  Even if it’s just a little role play or fun dressing someone or undressing them, using clothing can really add some spice, especially if you don’t all of the clothing off!

~*~

What sorts of things do you like to do to add a little spice in your sex play?

The post Tips to Spice up your Sex Life! appeared first on Vibrator.net.

The Dildo

Perhaps the most recognizable sex toy, the dildo has been around for longer than many people realize.  Dildos come in shapes from realistic (meaning it looks very much like a real penis, typically uncircumcised) to unrealistic, possibly looking like a rose or some other, non-penile shape.

Dildos are typically used for vaginal penetration, though some are also able to be used for anal penetration.  For safety purposes, only use dildos with a flared base and that are also non-porous (so that they may be sterilized) for anal penetration.

Typically non-intimidating, a dildo is often the first sex toy a woman will purchase.  They are simple to use, don’t usually require batteries and come in a wide variety of sizes, colors and shapes.

The Vibrator

Vibrators really are more than a dildo that vibrates. For the most part, vibrating dildos are simply dildos that have a slot for a small vibrator (typically a bullet.)  They are typically realistic in shape and made of a soft material.  Actual vibrators, on the other hand, are made around the motor and vibrator, meaning that the vibrator is not removable.

Vibrators come in endless colors, shapes and sizes, as well as types.  From rabbits to g-spot vibrators to clitoral vibrators there is a vibrator made for any purpose.  As they sound, g-spot vibrators are made with a “hook” or nub at the end of it, to help the user reach and then stimulate the g-spot.  The clitoral vibrators are round and thin, without much substantial size so that one may target the clitoris.  Many clitoral vibrators can sit snugly between the labia.  Rabbits have a shaft for internal vaginal stimulation as well as a clitoral stimulator, so that both areas may be stimulated simultaneously.

Typically run on batteries, many sex toy companies are getting on the green bandwagon and making their sex toys rechargeable.

Vaginal Balls

Vaginal balls are small, body safe balls that typically are hollow, with another weighted ball inside of them.  Most vaginal balls are two balls, connected by a string with another retrieval string at the end of one of the balls.   A few are single balls with a retrieval string, and also you can find some which have no retrieval string, that you remove by simply using your pc muscles.  Some, like the Luna Balls offer a couple different options, working with one or two balls of different weights.

Vaginal balls are excellent for women who have had children and/or who are experiencing difficult controlling their bladder.  The reason for this is that doing regular exercises with vaginal balls (or kegel exercises without the balls) most certainly help strengthen the pc muscles.  This will increase your continence and there are many instances where this increased muscle control will also increase the pleasure you receive during sex.

The vaginal balls strengthen muscles by you holding them in.  They are weighted, so you squeeze your muscles around the balls, holding them inside your vagina.  By squeezing your muscles, holding the balls in, then releasing your muscles you exercise the muscles just like you exercise any other body part.

Anal Plug

Anal plugs are anal safe sex toys that get inserted into the rectum and then kept there.  They come in several materials, from silicone which is best for beginners as it gives, to steel which is more advanced, as there’s no give to it. Typically they do not vibrate and simply sit there.  While this may seem unexciting, there are many good reasons to use anal plugs.

First, you can work your way up from small plugs to larger ones to get your bottom used to having something larger in there.  This is a great thing to do if you wish to experiment with anal sex at some point in time.  Secondly, it can simply be enjoyable for the different sensations having something in your bottom can give.  Thirdly, using an anal plug is an awesome way to experience double penetration for women; having something both in your butt and vagina.

Anal plugs are great because you can wear them for long periods of time.  You can put an anal plug in then go do your errands!  This is a lovely and erotic way to spend some time during your day as no one else will know you’ve stuck something in your bum!  This can be a naughty secret between you and your lover, or something only you know.

Anal Probe

Basically, anal probes are anal vibrators.  They come in many shapes and sizes and are made specifically for anal use.  It’s always important to ensure that they’re non-porous so you can fully clean and sterilize them as well as ensure there’s a large flared handle so that it won’t get stuck up there; you can’t push things out of your bottom the same way a woman can push something out of her vagina.

Many anal probes are made specifically for men and thus are designed to simulate the prostate.  This is a wonderful and healthy thing for men to do as it can give a unique orgasm all of it’s own; it also does not, in any way, mean someone is bi or homosexual.

Anal Beads

Anal beads are sort of like anal plugs, but they are smaller and longer.  Anal beads are  an excellent thing to start with if you’re a beginner to anal play.  They have several beads or bumps on a body safe string or piece of silicone.  You can pop one in then after a few seconds of acclimation go ahead and put in the next one, which is a tad bit bigger.  You can then keep going (each bead/bump is a tad bit bigger than the one before) until you’ve inserted them all, or until you’ve reached the largest one you wish to use.

Also similar to anal plugs, these can be worn for extended periods of time while you are having sex, doing chores or running errands.  Anal beads are wonderful to have in while having sex.  You can experience double penetration, but also, typically, the man can feel the beads on his penis through the vaginal/anal wall which will give him unique sensations and increase the uniqueness and pleasure during sex.

The post A breakdown of sex toys. appeared first on Vibrator.net.

Vibes!

So the other day I wrote about my favorite sex toy.  Rabbits are my favorite style, and currently the Tripler is my favorite rabbit.  And so, in the spirit of favorite sex toys and ones we just couldn’t make do without, I’d like to assist a couple of you with getting one of those awesome toys that you just can’t make do without!!

So we’re having a CONTEST!!  Yay!!

To Enter

Leave one comment, telling me about your favorite sex toy, and why you love it so much.  You’ll need to convince me that you truly love the toy!  The most passionate entry(entries, as there’ll be 3 winners) will win!!  A couple rules about this:

- Try to be tasteful and use appropriate words (eg – vagina, penis, clit).

- Don’t be afraid to tell me that it makes you squirt, or that it finds your prostate without fail.

- I wanna hear it all!!Try to make it longer than just 2 or 3 sentences.

- Include a story if you will, to illustrate why you enjoy the toy so much!!

Rules

You must be of, or above the legal age of consent where you live.  (For most places this is 18 years old.)  Also, you can only enter once.  You also must be in the United States or Canada, where Vibrator.com ships.   The contest ends Friday July 15th at Midnight, Pacific Time. I will announce the winners on Saturday July 16th.   I will then email you, and will need a response with your mailing address within 48 hours, or another winner will have to be picked.

Prizes

Grand prize – $50 gift certificate for Vibrator.com

2 Runner’s Up – 1 $25 gift certificate for Vibrator.com (each will get 1)

SO ENTER BELOW!

Photo By: Twice Pix

The post The One You Can’t Live Without Contest! appeared first on Vibrator.net.

Now… yes.  My favorite sex toy is my boyfriend.  However, when it comes to actual vibrators, rabbits are my favorite. I would go nuts without a good rabbit vibrator! (And when it comes to rabbits, my favorite is the L’Amour Tripler ) There are many reasons why I enjoy a good rabbit.

First off, it allows me to have both vaginal and clitoral stimulation without having to use two separate toys.  Holding a vibrator on my clit while also having vaginal stimulation can be logistically difficult.  There’s not a whole heck of a lot of room down there and so having more than one toy down there can be difficult.  Not only that but having to maneuver two toys at once, you can get rhythm going that works for one but not the other, and all sorts of stuff like that.

Secondly, my clitoris is very, very sensitive.  So this frequently can give me problems with over-stimulation and my clit being so sensitive I can’t stand any kind of touch on it.  So, having the “ticklers” that many rabbits boast frequently makes it easier for me to accept the stimulation as it’s usually not very intense.  For me, being able to genuinely be able to thoroughly enjoy clitoral stimulation without having to focus on simply being able to accept it is unique and a joy.

Thirdly, I love rabbits because so many of them have rotation settings on the shafts of the vibrators. Rotating rabbits and other similarly unique functioned rabbits offer one-of-a-kind experiences that many other sex toys don’t give.

Rabbits, of any kind, allow you to just insert, turn it on and lay back letting the toy do it’s job; give you incredible sexual sensations and pleasure and bring on orgasms that no other toy or stimulation will bring.

My favorite is the L’Amour Tripler .  What’s your favorite rabbit vibe??

The post The one sex toy I couldn’t live without… appeared first on Vibrator.net.

Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is just how important to me, is having sex, anyway.  And I believe that there certainly is a level of importance to having a happy, healthy, satisfying sex life.  I’ve always been curious though, what it is about sex that makes it so important.  Is it the orgasms?  Sure they can be different, however, you can get orgasms through masturbation.

I think a lot of it has to do with feeling desired.  Our sense of how desirable we are is very wrapped up in whether or not someone will have sex with us.  Regardless if that is “right” or not, but it certainly makes sense.  However, our sense of being desired is so very tied up with our self worth that it can really negatively affect us.

There is also the sheer pleasure of it.  Sex is supposed to feel good, and for the most part it really does feel damn good!  I mean…orgasms are heavenly, building up to the orgasm is heavenly!  It’s all just wonderful and yummy and good feeling!!

Since we’ve gotten a mattress (just a couple days ago) we’ve had sex every day except one (it was over 100 degrees that day and we don’t have an air conditioner; it was just too damn hot to have sex).  And it’s been wonderful.  We have been happier, less stressed out and I’ve noticed these things in other aspects of life; working, just hanging out at home, and in our personal interactions.  We’ve been less cranky and feeling “looser” and more easy going, if not even simply more positive about everything.

For me, I have discovered that sex is important to me, emotional closeness aside, is stress relief.   For us, a good part of the reason we could have sex as much as we wanted to was due to not having a bed; with his bad knees and both of us having bad backs it’s difficult to have sex on the floor, and with the not-really-a-bed we’d been sleeping on we were relegated to only doggy style.  So being stuck with only one position plus the stress we’d been under .. no matter how much we wanted to .. well, we didn’t want to.

Now that we can choose what position(s) we use sex is more fun again.  We’ve already tried a new position that I absolutely love!  And added to that we can cuddle much more easily in bed again (when we’re not too hot to even hold hands).  I’m feeling closer to my boyfriend again, which is wonderful.  I think the problem for us was having the choice taken away from us.

So… as for how important sex is to me…I think it’s less that ensuring I have sex x-amount of times and more that I am able to express my sexuality when I need to in the ways I need and want to.

I’m loving sex again and am already looking forward to my boyfriend being home tonight; it’s cooled off again and I’m considering dressing up and being in something sexy for when he gets home from work.  Teehee….

How important is sex to you?  And why?

The post Just how important is sex anyway? And why? appeared first on Vibrator.net.

First off I think there needs to be fun.  Even if you’re having emotional make-up sex, or passionate been-teasing-each-other-all-day sex, you still need to be enjoying it.  Secondly, I think there needs to be more contact that just genital contact.  (Please keep in mind this is my opinion … )For me, if there’s no kissing or no caressing or things like that, it just removes something very ..intrinsic to a sexual encounter.  I may have the best orgasm ever, but there will still be something missing, something that’s really undefinable, something that’s probably more emotional than physical.  Not sure, body parts will graze each other, but for me it needs to be intentional touching/caressing.

I asked my boyfriend what, to him, does sex need to have in order for it to be “good” and he replied that first and foremost both parties would need to be satisfied to their own individual sexual gratification needs.  And I’d have to agree with him on that one.  As he pointed out, everybody has their own needs in order for sex to be ultimately satisfying for them.  For me, that’s deliberate touching, caressing and kissing.  For a good friend of mine, sex has to involve some sort of bdsm kink.  For my boyfriend it’s ensuring that I’ve had at least one full on, climax.  He’s unable to allow himself to have genuine sexual pleasure until I’ve had genuine sexual satisfaction.

For me I think that one of the most important things that really makes sex good for me is that my partner (my boyfriend now of course) is actually into it.  I know many who have gone to be solely because their partner was horny.  Now of course there is the aspect that a lot of the time I think you should try, at least see if a little foreplay can get you in the mood.  But if you’re not at that point mentally, then sex with a sense of obligation is one of those things that can lead to a whole host of unpleasantness.  But, sometimes you can simply oblige your partner by using a vibrator on them or giving a hand job or blow job.

Lastly I think, as does my boyfriend, that it’s important to always keep in mind that an orgasm or ejaculation does not mean “great” or “good” sex.  My boyfriend and I have had some of the most incredible sex that didn’t end with orgasm, climax or ejaculation.  You can have a huge ejaculation simply during masturbation.  Or even during sleep!  If you get too focused on the end result, you loose what’s happening in the now, and I can guarantee that you loose a lot of pleasure doing that.

In the end, what “good” sex is is not, in any way, universal. It’s all personal!  It’s what you find pleasurable and ensuring that you have that experience during your sexual encounters.  And because we each find different things pleasurable, and each of us finds different things pleasurable that ensures a lot of joy and variety in our sexcapades!

What, to you, is good sex?? Do share!

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As much as slow, romantic situations are wonderful and passionate, spur of the moment quickies are incredible, it seems like that’s always what we want and we don’t let whatever happens, happen.  We get so wrapped up with everything having to be “just so.”   The thing is, the only “right” way to have sex is consensually.

One of my favorite things to do is to roll around in bed laughing with my boyfriend.  Whether or not we end up fornicating is not important.  It may take longer to get there, we may have a couple hiccups (last night I had grabbed onto his penis and then he turned away, though I didn’t know he was going to turn and I was laughing so I didn’t notice until it was too late and he goes “oowwwww”) but they create memories and things you can laugh at going forward.

The thing is, pretty sex doesn’t exist.  Sex is messy, usually loud, and involves exchanging bodily fluids.  You sweat, swear, scream, moan, maybe drool, get your make-up messed up, your hair becomes a mess and typically need a shower afterwards.  Not to mention, for women (especially if no condom is used) we get to enjoy having semen in us for a day of two, often dripping down our thighs.  Yea, sex is very messy.

My thought is that we need to worry less about it all and just enjoy what’s happening.  Don’t get caught up in “oh we were supposed to have sex!  Not laughing and making jokes!” or stuff like that.  Just go with the flow and enjoy spending time with your lover.  Believe me, the stress reduction will make all the difference.

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When he laid down in bed with me it was almost like the first time we slept together; it was new and exciting.  I remember we turned and faced each other and joked around.  We giggled, poked and tickled each other, laughed, talked and ended up holding hands with our legs and arms intertwined.  It was wonderful.

It was so nice because it was like doing that was new again.  Sharing a bed with someone is really quite intimate, and like everything else, once it’s something that happens every single day and you get into a routine it becomes normal, less special.

At first, while I totally understood why he needed to switch his sleeping places I was still a little irritated.  No matter how much you know something there’s almost always that little voice in the back of your mind whispering negative things, eating away at your self confidence and what you know.  After a couple days I got used to it and truthfully I kind of enjoyed having the whole bed to myself.  There was even a small part of me a little disappointed that I would be relegated back to just my side of the bed.  However, once we got back into bed together it was wonderful, intimate and has increased our sexual desire for each other again.

I’m actually thinking of after a few months, we should do this again!  Whether or not it’d be him or me displaced doesn’t matter.  A couple weeks separate from each other can re-set the intimacy and desire again, and really help you appreciate the joys of sharing your sleeping space with someone.  If you’re stuck in one of those ruts, I highly recommend sleeping apart for a few nights.  While 2-3 weeks may be a bit much unless it’s for a back problem or something, just a few nights in the spare bedroom or on a couch can really help you to appreciate the subtle romanticism and the intense intimacy sleeping in the same bed with your lover has.

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Too much? Just right? Could do more? Whats your opinion?

One thing I hate is watching people make out in public.  To me it’s distasteful and especially when there’s children around I feel it’s very inappropriate.  In the end, it’s really a personal and moral opinion/decision, that’s mine.

Now don’t get me wrong; I frequently hold my boyfriends hand while we’re in a store, or walking or whatever.  We’ll kiss once and a while, maybe while waiting in line somewhere or just when the mood takes us.  However the thing to remember is that it’s just a small, short kiss.  Press-lips-together-then-pull-apart-with-a-smacking-sound type kiss.  Not a 60 second spit-swapping episode.

I love showing affection to my boyfriend, even if it’s just a cursory brush of my hand across his ass.  I’ve been known to give it a good grab while in a store as well; if the aisle or immediately surrounding area is empty.  I suppose part of it is a tad of possession; he’s mine dammit!  At least that’s the feeling he says he gets from me frequently when I do it, especially if the store is busy and full.  But I certainly don’t grab his dick or shove my tongue down his throat.

For me, seeing two people playing tonsil hockey, or trying to crawl into each other’s clothes, or having their hand down their partner’s pants or up their skirt, while in a fully public place is disgusting.  If I want to see that, I’ll watch porn.  *Now* YES. I can and always do look away.  However, there can be children around seeing it or those who don’t know to look away (think those who are mentally challenged).  They could easily try to replicate what they saw, thinking that it’s normal behavior and not know any better.

This really is such a touchy subject and it’s difficult to fully express one’s feelings on it and not sound like a prude or pro-censorship, as I’m neither.  I just feel that there’s a time and place for all things and the supermarket is not the place for a make-out session or some dry humping.

If you are like me and do enjoy some public fun though; there’s plenty of places to go where you can be away from view or even in a place where it’s acceptable to do things like that!  Think an adult party, an orgy or hell, even a restroom at the park or in a tent at a camp ground.  You’re still in public, for most of those places you need to be quiet and you can still get fresh with each other without having children see.  And hopefully you won’t be arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior.

Thing is, while yes, we have a right to behave according to our own lifestyle, we still do affect others, especially while in public, and we need to take that into account.

This is my own personal opinion about the subject and we each have a right to have our own opinion.  What’s yours about public displays of affection?? Do you not have any problem with those who are basically making out in the cereal aisle? I truly can see where someone wouldn’t have a problem though I think a secluded area in a woodsy park is a better place for that.

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I’ve burped during sex, moaned out the wrong words (“don’t move” as opposed to “don’t stop”), been so over-sensitive that every movement tickled, been unable to stop laughing, farted, slipped and fallen, … well, you get the picture.  My boyfriend has had similar things happen, he’ll have to pee, or slip out, get a muscle spasm, or not be able to hold his erection no matter how much he wants to.

The thing to remember is that stuff like this is going to happen.  No matter who you are, how careful you are, how prepared for sex you are, or anything like that, it’s going to happen.  You *will* fart during sex, the penis (or toy) *will* pop out at some point (just check porn! It happens all the time!), maybe you will fall out of bed or some other random, embarrassing thing.  It *will* happen, you will laugh, get embarrassed, nervous, maybe not even be able to finish.

Really, you just have to accept it and go with the flow.  Your partner will understand, really, they will.  And if they don’t that’s their own problem, not yours.  Things like this are things you can laugh about later.  They can create unique, special memories just for you and your lover.  So instead of worrying what they think about it, getting embarrassed and withdrawing or other things like that… just go with it!  Make the joke out of it that it is, just don’t laugh *at* anyone, laugh *with* them.

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Blow? Suck?

Face it.  No matter who you are, no matter your religion, your sexual experience, your moral values, where you live, your shape or size, no matter anything, there comes a time when you want to try something “taboo” with your lover.  Or yourself.

So first, let’s look at what taboo is.  Basically, something is taboo when there’s a strong social “ban” on it.  So, according to society to do activity x, y, or z is bad.  Then that activity is taboo.  Even if it is perfectly legal.  Taboo does not mean illegal or legal.  Just that according to society at large, to do that act is abhorrent or objectionable.

Due to the taboo nature of many sex acts, it can be difficult for someone to bring it up to their lover, even if they’ve been together for years.  Now, each relationship is unique; everybody communicates in their own way just as each relationship has it’s own best system(s) of communication.

However, when you haven’t ever talked about it before, for a lot of people, suddenly saying “Baby, get on your hands and knees I wanna fuck you in the arse” typically isn’t the best idea to go about it.

When it comes to trying new things in bed, many people can be very touchy about the subject.  Often it’s due to their upbringing, but whatever the reason those persons feelings must be taken into account and honored and respected. Doing anything less simply shows that you don’t care about the other persons feelings and is/can be very detrimental to your relationship with them.  By taking their feelings into account you’re showing them that they matter to you, that their opinion is important to you

So, especially when you’re asking them to try something they’re not familiar with, make sure to be prepared to answer questions.  And also be kind about it, don’t, in any way, even begin to insinuate that they’re stupid or naive for asking.  Also, be prepared to offer up examples and educational materials.  These could be instructional/informational videos or books , maybe even a website or two.

Another good idea is if you’re wanting to try a new toy or type of toy it wouldn’t be a bad idea to actually buy a simple version of one so they can see it, feel it and get an idea of what it is before you’re actually in the moment of sex play when you’d want to try it. Get one that’s simple and unassuming, and preferrably a litle bit on the cheaper end so that if they don’t like it or that particular type of sex play doesn’t work for you you’re not out a lot of money.  You can always get a nicer one if it ends up being something you both like and want to try again.

There’s a few other things to remember.  First off, don’t be demanding.  Demanding can be construed as force, and force is horrible, bad and illegal.  Also, it can cause your partner to feel guilty if they’re not interested in which case they may do it anyway, despite not wanting to.  That can really get you into troubles and problems you wouldn’t want.

Also, you have to understand and be okay with the fact that not everyone likes everything.  Be understanding, compassionate and accepting if your partner genuinely tries something new for you and doesn’t like it.  Be willing to gently suggest trying it another way (perhaps with a different toy, a different position or maybe in a different place).  Also allow them time before trying it again if they’re not wanting to jump right back into it.

All in all, trying something new can be difficult for some people, regardless of the reasons for it.  And this needs to be respected and honored.  But at the same time, trying something new can really bring flavor and excitement back into your sex life.  Talk about it, bring it up, hide a book about it in their briefcase or on their pillow, leave a video of it when you’re going out of town or give a new toy as a gift.  However you do it; do it and be empathetic about it.  You won’t regret it.

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Talking

While talking things out is always a much better idea than just letting the issue fester, sometimes talking isn’t the right way to go about communicating the problem.  However that’s not to say that you shouldn’t communicate, it’s just saying that verbally speaking isn’t always the best way, especially considering how many other communications options we have nowadays.  My boyfriend and I actually rarely verbally speak about things when we’re having issues with something, even if it’s not something central in our relationship (eg – a behavior, something someone said, etc).  We don’t even usually talk about it in an instant message setting.

What we do is e-mail each other.  (Or Facebook message, though typically e-mail.)  The reason we do it this way is because we are still able to communicate what we need to, however we’re able to think it all through, make sure we’re factually correct if we’re citing a specific event and can make sure that we’re not being petulant or something.

Now that’s not to say that we’ve never had actual verbal arguments.  Sure we have, we’re human!  But when we have a choice, we take it to e-mail so that we can be clear and concise.  So we can ensure that we express ourselves thoroughly without name calling, trigger pushing or any other unavoidable negativity throwing.

There’s also another awesome reason to communicate via written word; if you’re suggesting trying something new.  The reason for this is that you’re able to be concise about what you’re saying; if you get jumbled in your words you’re able to take the time to sit back and find the right words.  You’re able to read over what you’re saying to ensure it’s actually what you’re wanting to express.  Also, if you’re wanting to include examples, photos, websites or things of that nature you’re able to insert those things to better help express your point(s).

Personally, things like this, while they may be a difficult subject matter, kind of make me feel good.  It’s nice to know that whomever is sending the email (or letter or card or whatever it may be) thinks enough of me and enough of the subject to put that kind of thought into it.

Truth is, by putting that kind of time and effort into your communication it’s very likely that you will learn something about your feelings and thoughts on the matter as well.  When you’re speaking, no matter how much thought you put into what you’re going to say, there’s always so much emotion in it, as well as spontaneity.  When writing you have that opportunity to think about what you want to say, type/write it, then read it before you send or give it to the recipient.  You’re able to show that the subject matter is important to you, as is communicating your feelings, thoughts and any expectations you have about it.

The long and short of it is that communication is hard.  No bones about it.  Sometimes the need to hash things out just flat out sucks! Communicating is hard work; saying things that may not be the nicest things to say and hearing things of the same nature.  Saying “Honey, you’re being an asshat” sometimes all that’s needed.  However, when you have to go into detail, it’s not easy.

But sometimes it has to be done, and being able to use a method that allows you to read over things and make sure that you’re not the one being the asshat, I think it’s something that should be used.  However; it can be seen as impersonal, so if it’s a method of communication you’ve never used before, I’d makes sure to put something in there as to why you’re doing it.  ”I am saying this in an e-mail because….”

At any rate; communicate!  Whatever you need to do to express what you need to express; do it.  Say it verbally, face to face, over the phone, around a corner.  Write an e-mail or letter, send a card.  When things stay unsaid they can fester and grow into something that’s much larger than it really needs to be.

In my next post I will give you some ideas on how to broach the subject of trying a new sex act that’s a bit more… taboo.

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What time is it?

Something I’ve noticed is that no matter how in the mood you are, sometimes there just isn’t time.  Whether it’s chores, work, familial obligations or getting together with friends it seems like there’s always something in the way of finding time to have sex or masturbate.  There was a time when I was “scheduling”, for lack of a better word, time for masturbation.  It was kind of fun because I was able to make a big production of it, with ambiance, a ton of toys, lubes and movies at my disposal so I could scratch whatever itch my body presented.  While doing things like that is certainly fun and has merit, it doesn’t really work in the long term.

I have a strong dislike for scheduling sex.  By scheduling sex I mean saying something to the effect that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7:30pm is sex time.  Doing stuff like that creates a sense of obligation which can lead to resentment and stagnation.  Now, planning a romantic and sexy evening is one thing; that’s a special night, it’s something extra and probably won’t happen again for a while and if it does it’ll be different.  About the only time I can see actually scheduling sex being beneficial is if you’re trying to conceive.  Otherwise it becomes monotonous, lacks spontaneity and can breed resentment.

So what’s the key to finding time then?  I guess in the end it’s just knowing that you’re in the mood and going for it.  While some things like children can’t be set aside for an hour or so, other things like dishes, sending that e-mail and returning the phone call from your Mother can indeed be put set aside for some time so that you can get sexy with your partner.

The important thing to remember is that the grocery store will still be there.  Your Mom will understand a slightly delayed phone call and your chores area always going to be there, even if you do them at 8pm instead of 7pm.  Life will continue on, without glitch or delay, while you’re making love.

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Now, don’t get me wrong.  Sex IS intimate!  LOL You’re putting part(s) of one body inside another!  Your juices are mingling together, you’re causing each other indescribable pleasure.  You could possibly be making a baby!! Yea.  That’s intimate.  You’re also trusting one another to not go too far; I’ve heard from many men that it takes a lot of trust to let a woman give them head; the chance of getting bit is very scary for some men.

My boyfriend and I are not intimate in the sense of romance.  Neither of us is romantic, y0u won’t find him buying me flowers (which I’m thankful of; they just die anyway) or sprinkling petals leading me somewhere or anything like that.  And it’s fine with me because it works for us.  We don’t take baths together (though we regularly shower together and wash each other) or whisper lovey dovey stuff to each other.

However, we hold hands when we’re in bed together.  We hold hands while watching tv and almost always touch each other.  We listen to each other and do our best to always honor each other’s quirks, ticks and idiosyncrasies.  I’ve checked the definition of the word “intimacy” on more than one source and the main theme is that intimacy is actually a descriptor of very close relationships.   A relationship in which you are very close with the other person, such as siblings, best friends, parent/child and so forth.

I have intimate, non-sexual relationships with many, mostly female actually.  There’s actually a couple of females that I’m very close with, have very intimate relationships with, and it’s not at all sexual.  Sexuality and intimacy are, for the most part, exclusive.    A trusting, close relationship does not beget sex, and sex does not beget a close, trusting relationship.

More than anything though, I think it saddens me (actually often makes me angry) that so many people see sex a necessity for an intimate relationship.  Relationships with parents and siblings are getting more cold and distant, so many relationships with friends are nothing more than partying and then it’s like, once you get close enough with someone to actually be intimate, it’s suddenly seems to be a requirement that you also be sexual with them.  And the part that is really weird for me is how that assumed sexual requisite is sometimes not even from the people in the relationship!  It’s an assumption from those who  are not a part of the relationship and, for whatever reason, have a difficult time seeing close relationships between people who are not lovers.  It’s unfortunate, really.

For those that do have intimate, non-sexual relationships, they often get teased about it; being called gay, people assuming that you are indeed having sex with the person and not taking no for an answer (which can then lead to even more unpleasantness if someone says they’re lying), and so forth.

More and more, however, we are seeing non-sexual intimate relationships crop up.  From bro-mances to heterosexual lifemates (2 people of the same gender who are living together, have an intimate life-long companionship but are not sexual with one-another) it’s becoming more and more prolific.  H0pefully with how much more common it’s becoming the understanding of it will also become more common.

What are your thoughts on how intimacy and sex are two totally separate things?

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Nice Behind

It wasn’t long before I met my boyfriend that I began experimenting with anal play.  I was quite nervous, but thankfully had a really great anal probe to start with that was not intimidating and was a great size for a beginner. Similar to this vibrating anal probe it was great for a starter anal toy; it was thin, had a good thick base and was easy to use.  Plus it was non-porous, so I was able to keep it fully clean and sanitized.

Not long after that, I moved up to a set of anal beads and slowly but surely let my boyfriend play back there as well, using his fingers and then once, his mouth. (Which was awesome, by the way.)  Eventually I got to the point where I was in love with double penetration and wanted to expand to things larger than fingers and anal beads.

Thus began my exploration of anal probes and plugs.  Now, personally, I am not a fan of anal plugs.  I don’t know why, but no matter how awesome the plug is, I just prefer probes. I’m weird like that.  So I slowly started moving up in size with the toys I used anally, often using toys I already had that I knew I could sterilize; so pretty much anything that was 100% silicone.

Eventually we tried anal sex and we were able to get the entire head of his penis in, which was amazing.  I wasn’t able to take more than that so we abandoned it so I could get more practice taking toys anally.

Unfortunately we haven’t been able to try again since.  Since we’ve lost our sex drive and don’t have a real bed we aren’t able to get too terribly fancy with sex and sex play.  I’m still able to get anal play when I masturbate though!  I’ve found that if I go too long without doing something back there then, while I may not need to go all the way back down to beginner size, I still have to re-acclimate to the knowledge and sensation of something going up my butt.

Why do I like it though?  Why do I keep going back to it?  Well, it feels good!  I’ve had actual anal orgasms, which are incredible, by the way.  Absolutely amazing.  Plus, there’s the knowledge that it’s so taboo, so naughty that gives it that extra spice.  It’s a wholly unique sensation and I can use anal play to achieve double penetration, that is worth it in and of itself.

Do you enjoy anal play?  If so why?

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So this…invention… is called the Sensis sheath.  It’s a strap-on condom that, as far as I’ve been able to research, is being marketed for those who are too drunk to be able to put on a standard condom.  I guess it’s easier to pull the straps to slide the condom on, rather than simply putting your fingers around the penis to slide it up.

Now, I have a few thoughts about this.  Not the least is that if you’re so drunk you can’t put a condom on you probably shouldn’t be having sex anyway.  If you frequently have sex with people when you’re drunk perhaps you need to look at your drinking habits and/or your behavior while drinking.

At the same time, if you are aware of this behavior and are taking measures to be protected, then that’s good!  I wish more people would be prepared like that.  Reduce unplanned pregnancies, reduce the spread of some venereal diseases and so forth.

This is one of those things that, in my opinion, is both “too much” and a good thing.  I mean, the idea that someone is so drunk they need a strap on condom just proves that they shouldn’t be having sex.  However, if they’re that determined to have sex at least there’s something out there to help them be protected during it.

What are your thoughts about the strap on condom??

EDIT –

After some thought and discussion with other’s it’s come to my thought (and others as the comment shows) is that this could really help persons with disabilities.  If you have dexterity issues, or other issues using your fingers or hands, then this little invention is something that could really help you use condoms, which is a very important thing.

So in this sense, major kudos to the inventor of this product.  I sincerely hope it gets marketing so that those who need it can use it.

The post Strap-On Condom? YUP. Strap-on condom. appeared first on Vibrator.net.

Thing is, I’m a creature that thrives on routine and consistency.  While I don’t mind doing something spontaneously, if there’s any sort of routine change I tend to tweak out a little bit.  However sexually, I like variety, as does my body.  So in the end, sometimes I still end up masturbating in the same way as always because it then avoids any of those weird feelings plus, in the end, it gets the job done quick.

When I really want something special though, I tend to make a pretty big production out of it.  Thus, it doesn’t frequently happen.  First off I typically don’t have free all the time it takes to make such a big production.  I’ll take up to a half hour to prepare for it, while making plans for a day or two prior.  Plus, I’ll take at least a half hour to clean up as well.  I’ll have movies picked out for background, candles and will re-arrange the living room so I have all the space I need.

I also typically have several toys out, if not 2 or 3 toyboxes sitting out for me to get whatever toy or toys I want.  Plus I’ll have all kinds of lube ready, a towel or two, nipple clamps, anal toys, a blanket or two to lay on so I don’t get the couch dirty, and things of that nature.  These tend to be incredible masturbation sessions where I will use 10 or more toys just ‘cuz I get so into the mood I want every sensation I can get.  It’s during these sessions where I often will be able to ejaculate a little bit.  That’s always exciting for me as it takes so very much for me to be able to do so.

It then takes me quite some time to clean up.  First, I need to recoup a bit LOL  Then I need to clean up all my toys and get them put away and all the porn put away and the towels and blankets put away.  Typically I just end up showering ‘cuz I’m covered in lube and my own sexual juices.

Regardless of how I masturbate though; taking 2 hours out of my day or just grabbing one toy and having a 10 minute quickie with myself, I love it.  It’s so fun, it’s wonderful stress relief and if my blinds are open I get to have a little exhibitionist fun as well.  Granted I live on the 2nd floor and there’s no way anyone could see me on the couch unless they’re literally right in front of my window..that’s not the point! LOL

How do you like to masturbate?  Quickies or involved set ups?

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Something that we’ve been dealing with for quite some time is that we’ve lost our sex drives.  My boyfriend more than I, but both of us nonetheless.  There’s several reasons for this, and slowly but surely we’re getting through this.

An important thing to remember though, for anyone involved in a loss of sex drive is that it’s a normal thing to have happen.  While it sucks in epic fashion, it really does fall into the “shit happens” category of life.  However, that doesn’t make it any easier to accept or cope with.

Now, if you’ve both lost your sex drives, that does make it easier, in that one of you isn’t sitting there all horny and desiring your partner while he/she is unable to oblige you.  However, have been through all 3 versions of this (both of us lost it, and one of us lost it [me having lost it or him having lost it]) here are a few things that I’ve learned, in no particular order.

1. Talk about it.  Both parties need to be honest and empathetic to the other’s current issues.  And while this is always true in relationships, it’s most certainly emphatically true when this is going on.
2. Know that it’s okay to masturbate, but also make sure you’ve had a talk with your partner about masturbation so that there’s no mixed communication about it.  Some people truly do have a problem with masturbation.
3. Even if you’re unable to understand why your partner is feeling they way they are that is resulting in a low sex drive, make sure that you respect their feelings.  Though it may make no sense to you, their feelings are valid and we all need to act like it.
4. Do everything you can to try to get to the bottom of the problem and resolve it.   Is it physical or emotional?

The thing is that loosing your sex drive, or if your partner loosing theirs is really emotionally difficult.  It can bring up a lot of emotions which can be an issue in and of themselves.  I can say though, that I’ve never doubted my boyfriend’s desire for me, which often can be the first emotional fallout during a time like this.  Why haven’t I felt this?  Because my boyfriend makes sure to still give me attention, we’ve talked about this and also he makes sure to tell me that he still finds me attractive.  I do the same for him.

A few things I’ve noticed have helped us during this difficult time are (in no particular order):

1. Don’t blame.  Ever.
2. Make sure to still give your partner attention; kisses, hugs, tickles or whatever works for your relationship and personalities.
3. Simply admit that your sex drive is gone and let your partner know that you still find them attractive and still desire them.

And just a couple more notes:

1. If you’re the one who’s lost your sex drive, sometimes it helps to simply jump in bed with your partner and try.  Who knows what’ll happen!
2. If your partner jumps in bed with you and tries and they are unable to finish, unable to stay lubricated or erect do not blame them!!!!  That will do nothing but make things worse and believe me; they already feel like shit about it.

Be supportive and loving and empathetic.  You’ll make it through this with love and understanding and will be better for it and chances are you’ll have better sex too!!

Have you gone through this?  If so what helped you make it through?

Photo By: krossbow

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The main con with buying sex toys online is not being able to feel the toy; check out the severity of any ribbing or texture, have a more realistic vision of what the size is really like.  However online stores like Vibrator.com have a much larger inventory than brick and mortar stores, which gives you the ability to choose the toy that you really want and you invariably get a much better price, despite often having to pay for shipping.

I much prefer shopping for my adult items online, for many reasons.  You get better prices and have a much wider selection so I can really look through everything and find exactly what I’m looking for.  Plus, I can read reviews of the item(s) and get other’s takes on it; is it well made, how’s the texture, is it bigger than it seems like it is, and so forth.  Also, I love the availability of kits online can let you get all the things you’d need for something, such as romancing your partner or beginning anal sex, at a reduced price.

The biggest tip that I can give when shopping online for sex toys is to pay attention to the details given, for the item.  Is it waterproof?  What’s the texture like and what’s the material?  If it’s silicone do you have a water based lubricant?  What’s the size of it?  Grab a tape measure if you have to so you can get a better idea.  2 1/2″ thick doesn’t sound like much, but it’s more than one would think it is.

The second most important tip I can give is to read sex toy reviews.  There are two main types of reviews out there; the short ones you see on the toy’s page on the sex toy site, and the other are the longer reviews put out by dedicated sex toy reviewers such as this one.

So in other words…Viva La Online Sex Toy Shopping!!

What do you think of shopping online versus brick and mortar stores?

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What’s really cool about these lubricants is that they are very thick, yet still water based.  Plus, they all have little beads of Vitamin E in them (thus the “bursts” in the name) that burst upon contact with our skin (you don’t feel it) and it releases that Vitamin E into your skin.  This helps keep our skin moist and the lube active.  The same beads are in the toy cleaner and that really helps your toys stay in good working condition and safe for use.

Not to mention the tops of the bottles look like nipples! LOL

Also, each variety is a different color. Cooling is blue, Anal is black, Sex Toy Cleaner is green, Aphrodesiac is orange and Warming is red.  Climax Bursts is an awesome lubricant and despite being water based (thus it’s safe to use with any kind of sex toy) it rarely needs re-applying unless you’re using it for a good half hour or more.

I *highly* recommend any and all of the Climax Bursts products.  My favorite is the cooling lube, and what we love to do with it is to put it in the fridge.  Hehehe

Anal Lube

Aphrodesiac, Cooling and Warming Lubricant

Sex Toy Cleaner

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Personally, I’ve only seen one book where plus sizes were addressed and the only suggestions on toys for plus sized women was a post written by me quite some time ago.  So, in the interest of promoting awesome masturbation for us plus sized girls, here’s a couple of my favorite toys, and some tips for us plus sized women!

Evolved Bendable You Too —  While this vibrator, unfortunately, doesn’t have Evolved’s standard rockin’ tins to keep it in, it’s bendy nature and lengthy size make it great for reaching hard to reach places!  It’s almost 9″ long, so when you have it elongated and not bent it can easily reach around extra flesh, it can easily fit inside thick labia and can help you reach if you’re unable to reach your fingers or hands down there.  Plus, with how bendable it is you can easily shape it exactly how you want and need it.  Not to mention the long cord for the power pack, so you don’t have to worry too much about where it is or how far away it is.

Share Dildo — Now, yes.  The intended purpose of this dildo is to be inserted into one female, and then that female has sex with someone else using the dildo as it’s inserted into her vagina.  However.  Look at the size and shape of this baby! That short end makes a perfect handle!  So it’s super easy for you to lay back, hold onto it and it’s size and length makes it easy to reach around extra flesh and still make it into your vagina so you can pleasure yourself.

TIPS:

Position aids, like the Liberator Wedge are really a girls best friend.  First off then can help you (anybody really) get into positions that may otherwise be difficult to achieve.  One thing though, to try, is if you’re in doggy style slap a pillow two under your belly. This will help to not only give your upper body some support so your arms dont’ have to take all the weight but also it can help give your stomach support so it’s not all pulling on your back.

If you want to have a leg or two in the air try laying on the couch and putting one up on the back of the couch.  By hooking a foot up there you can have a leg up without having to hold it up yourself or have your partner hold it for you.  That way you either don’t have to worry about that, or you and/or your partner can hold your other leg up and you can have the variety of position with a leg or two up.  This position sort of mimics doggy style and also makes it easier to achieve g-spot stimulation.

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Do you have any tips for plus sized people wanting to masturbate and have sex?  Or, are you plus sized and would like tips?  Please, leave a comment!!

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